Wednesday, September 15, 2010

{Chrysalis - Faith, Fate & Destiny}

I'm doing a study on Esther - figured it was finally a way to get myself away from this desk and surround myself with women I don't know and ... beloved coffee. Who's complaining? Not me. :)

"Faith is putting God in every fill in the blank." - Beth Moore
That's true. And I'm not so good at it. What is it about most of you who are like me that LOVE to fill that blank in yourself and actually really spend time figuring your options? Remember quizzes in elementary where you could pick your options from the list at the top of the paper? Well, should make the test and questions all easy to have one answer, you'd think. Faith is a tough choice - a tough answer sometimes as it holds to us something that is non-concrete and leaves us believing blind. But it's so important that we learn to have it. Because faith - immense as it is - affects so many aspects of our lives, even the seemingly trivial ones.  From what I have gathered so far in regards to this study I am taking about Esther is about dealing with a season of feeling that God is not near you. Keep in mind that our feelings are not always truth. Feeling alone, left behind, angry, displaced, shut out, unusable by God are some of the things described in this study. In truth, He's never stepped away - it's just we who walk away from Him. What we feel during that season is not truth. He will not leave or forsake us. We are the ones who leave and forsake Him.

I experienced this after my sister died. I couldn't pray, couldn't even talk to Him. Couldn't sing to Him. Couldn't do anything... but avoid Him. Because if it brought tears - well I had had enough of those in my grieving, certainly didn't need more. Especially from the One who took my sister home. {As if I thought I had a right or say in the number of her days, anyway.} And so began one of the loneliest separations in my life that I created out of coping. Coping meaning: shutting down, shutting off. When all along the only thing I needed was Him. I shut Him out - out of anger & hurt, disbelief in His plan for a woman that was one of my best friends and the most like me in many ways. Selfishly desiring that I had not been inflicted with such loss simply b/c I didn't want to deal with losing anyone close to me... younger than me. Those things happen to other people, not me.

Fate is not in our hands per say. Destiny of what we are called to, however is. We have a fate, we also have a destiny. A reason we are here.

Fate is the preordained course of your life that will occur because of or in spite of your actions.
Destiny is a set of predetermined events within your life that you take an active course in shaping.

"Destiny is the Spiritual Will of the person; a deep inner need; something that drives us to do what seems impossible. It nurtures us with hope in our darkest moments; enables us to dream of better things, and resides in a place where we are destined to find our fulfillment."
"Many people feel that Fate is unkind and whimsical in approach, but in fact it is both generous and extremely mindful of the needs of our soul. Sometimes it hurts, but sadly it is often only through hardship that we discover our inner strength and capabilities to achieve great things." - J. Shell

I do not believe in chance. Or coincidence really. I do believe in destiny. And free will. And that a calling can be missed if we are not seeking it. I am seeking mine. With abandon. Fate will teach me things that I don't necessarily want to learn, but God has a destiny for me that I have to first seek. His destiny for me? Won't happen without me. I have to help shape what He intended for me. And soooooo much of that... comes back to that one little thing... faith. Without it, I'm the apple seed that never becomes an orchard or the mustard seed that never becomes shelter.

I think.. I might learn something really good from this study. And this season. Starting with learning to grow where I am planted.