Monday, September 12, 2011

{Counting the years...}

9/11 is marked as a day of bravery and loss.

Many mourn the loss of someone they loved. Someone they lost and will not see again in this life.

I remember the skies on 9/11/01. I remember how blue they were. In some ways it's hard to believe that ten years have gone by since that day. And each year, this day marks the loss for those grieving. They watch it replayed on television. I can't imagine - how hard it must be - despite that a whole nation grieves with you - to re-watch the event unfold. That same event that took your beloved away.

It must be harder than most circumstances of loss. 

Having to watch that plane crash into the building over and over. 

My sister died in a car crash. I can't imagine watching it once. I can't imagine. Every year on 10/7 I count the years it has been since she left us. Every day I count the thoughts I have of her. Every day she is a thought, if not several.

I dreamt of her the other night. It's been awhile. I always long for dreams of her.

She was in my new car. :) My Benz. She was going on about how I should give it to her. She looked gorgeous. Like she always did. She smelled good. Had on all the right clothes. She was her old diva self. Hair done, nails done. She was just... Jess. I remember noticing her hair and telling her she looked gorgeous. And being slightly envious of her stunning beauty - this was so true to real life. Jess always had a way to captivate people with her beauty. And I might be slightly bias... but I've met few women who compared to her in beauty. We were going through a McDonald's drive-thru and of all things I was correcting her about how to drive my car, as she was driving it.

When I dream of her I wake up with the sadness I always feel - knowing it was only a dream. But even in that short dream - as odd as it is, McDonald's and all... I still feel like I've been near her. Brings back all the emotions of the loss again and the emotions of how much I long to see her again all rise to the surface. I'm sure like most - I bury those things under a heavy load of work and keeping busy.

My sister and 9/11 have no relation. Unless you count loss.
And when it comes to loss, we all have to experience it. Sooner or later. It's not our choice. It's our reality.

But there's no getting around that some people are taken home too early, much too early for our liking. They visit us in dreams though and live daily in our hearts and memory.

And that will be as such... until we see them again.

My heart is with the families tonight who miss their loved ones. Who long for the few dreams they have of them just to be near them again. Who no longer fear death themselves anymore because it means... they will see their beloved again. I didn't experience the personal loss of 9/11. I lost no family or friends in the tragedy. Like others though, I experienced a breach in safety and an overall sadness for the loss of the almost 3,000 killed. No amount of time can make planes turned into missiles any less tragic. Time does make it a date in history, but for those of us who lived through it ... we never forget.