Tuesday, February 1, 2011

{Peacock Feathers}

I never really had a thing for peacocks in the past.

I remember my sister liking them. The feathers atleast. I had a pair of peacock feather earrings that she loved. She was such an earthy girl.

I miss her every day.
When the weather gets bad and things get quiet I think of her more than the usual amount of ... a lot.

I can feel a blog coming on for days. I'll know there is something I need to write about - even if it's only for me. For cathartic reasons. Or even if it's just to honor a life that was my sister's. None of us want to be forgotten when we leave this earth. We hope to not be forgotten. She's been on my mind more than usual though, and sometimes I like to photograph things for the simple reason that they remind me of her.

My desk sits near a window - so off and on through the day I check the weather by watching the movement in the branches. I have to say that windows can be the same source of distraction that they are creation. I am attentive to the light that changes and shifts throughout the day, but sometimes it alters my mood in the sense that it makes me think about other things than work. For example, right now, I am looking out of my window.. knowing we have a blizzard headed this way, thinking... I really could use a taste of summer right now. I'm really over winter. Totally over it. Patience is a virtue Jo. All of this suffice to say, I am not the best at getting through the tough seasons.

Anyway, I bought these peacock feathers the day before my sister's funeral. I put them on a framed board that had photos of Jess and the people she loved. I knew she loved peacock feathers - and in total Jess flair, I fastened them to the board with the many memories. I can't part with them of course. Now they sit on my vanity near a picture of her and I. Adrian also bought me a beautiful Peacock night light. So thoughtful. So now I sort of find myself collecting items that draw me to what I miss. In those items I find little reminders of Jess, though I need them not. One can't forget. But there's slight comfort in these small reminders... that's all. Even if she is soaking up the sun on some heavenly beach... she feels a little bit closer to home when I see the personal mementos I keep.

Makes me think about even though this world offers nothing but the temporary for us ... we hold onto things - small things like this and wouldn't trade them for gold. Symbolism. Remembrance. Validation. Honor. Longing. Those are some of the reasons we retain temporal items. Like the rosebud I took from the arrangement my Aunt sent to the funeral - it has remained in my car all this time on my dash below my speedometer. Reminds me to drive safe. Reminds me that everyday people are killed in automobile accidents. Reminds me that life is a gift - and that the cliche in those words should never be cliche.

I photographed the peacock feathers yesterday for my 365 project - but found that I couldn't help but post a few more of the photos just for me. They're just so intriguingly beautiful. Jess was too. Maybe that's why she loved them.

Ironically, peacock feathers are just as colorful, treasured and almost as delicate as a monarch butterfly's wing. 

Paralleling that are the memories - my memories of Jess. Colorful, treasured and delicate.