Wednesday, August 10, 2011

{It's a wild world}

My sister loved Cat Stevens. So many times when I hear any of his music - I think of her.

I can just see her sitting there singing it in the sun. Beautiful little hippy girl.

A blog can be so many things. It can be simply a business venture. A working portfolio. A heartfelt plea to be understood. A diary. An electronic logging of day to day life. For me, it is all of the above. It is also a place where I can speak truth without it being marred. Share my thoughts. Post my work. Be transparent.

Life is full of so many things. Good and bad. There's a lot of trash to sift through. 
It's a wild world.
It's hard to get by just upon a smile.

Typically, the loss of someone you love dearly is respected. It's a solemn thing that is kept in peace. It is understood that the grief alone from that loss... is more than enough pain to endure. You can never imagine that someone could stoop so low, as to use the loss of someone you loved dearly to manipulate through half-thought out lies. After the shock passes, you remember that people who sink to such lows are often miserable people. Those are the same people who lie out of fear and insecurity. The same people who should go and watch a tribute to be reminded that life is precious and the sanctity of memories and the love you had for someone who is deeply missed - until eternity... will remain unmarred.

I am blessed. In many ways. I have a job I love. I am on a journey that continues to inspire me. I have comforts and a home, a beautiful family. I have beautiful memories of a sister I grew up with. The same girl who was my maid of honor on my wedding day and held my very first child. No doubt her loss is a hole in my heart - but one day it'll be filled when at last... I see her again.

My sister's death changed me in many ways. Good and bad. It made me initially spin into a depression. Anger with God. Disappointment. But I got back up. In time I began to see that my life is short. I have to make the most of it. Make choices that scare me. Take chances - even risky ones. Find beauty where I missed it before. Pay attention to the details I tend to overlook. Take deep breaths. Smell the air around me and notice the blue sky. Let go of the ridiculous things people say out of desperation. End the games. Realize where my responsibilities lie in this world and that I can only choose my own free will for today. Thank God for my children, husband, family and friends. Listen to Cat Stevens and smile a little bit, think of Jess.

No day will ever pass in my lifetime that I haven't missed or thought of my sister.
She was beloved.

I'll always remember you like a child girl.