Wednesday, May 18, 2011

{It's been a year}

Sometimes I can't believe an entire year has gone by since I left a full-time job to embark on this self-employment adventure.

And I am smiling right now... as I think of it.

Fear is something that cripples us all sometimes. It definitely crippled me. 

What if I don't do well. What if I can't pay my bills. What if no one hires me.

None of those were the case. In a year I exceeded my expectations. I am GRATEFUL to all of those who made that happen. I am grateful I forsook my fears and just went for it.
I shot for 7 years before I decided to take that leap over the fear of falling flat on my face. Somehow, I landed on the other side of that chasm. My journey of course is just beginning. So many more miles to go. But now I wonder why I didn't do it sooner.

I anticipate the journey now though more than I did before. 

I remember the last time I walked out of the door at Keystone. No longer an employee. No longer to report anywhere at any certain time. No longer a number. No longer part of a corporation. No longer a Marketing Specialist, except for my own marketing. My own boss. 

I'm not sure how to explain the liberation I felt that day, but I cried the whole way home... thinking about how proud my sister would have been that I finally found the courage to follow my heart. That I finally did it. I wished she had been alive - she would have been the first person I would have called on that car ride home. 

I think about the difference in learning curve from PT to FT photography! Immense. Makes me excited to see where I may be in a year. In two years. Ten years. Granted, this job offers long hours. Late nights. 2nd pots of coffee. Headaches and stress. Reclusive summers at your desk with many, many hours of culling, editing, more editing and archiving. Taxes - did I mention headaches and stress already? :)

But, you know what this job offers? Freedom. Start and end times designated by me. Working outside in beautiful surroundings. Meeting amazing people and making their memories special, photographing the people they love most in life. What an honor.. what an absolute honor. A paycheck. Did I mention that I get PAID to do what I LOVE??? What I would do for free? {Provided life handed us no bills, that is.} Days off at my choice. Coffee in the afternoon with a friend. Hopping on my bike and passing an Amish buggy on my way to the post office to check my PO box. Antique store browsing on a rainy day. Jamming out at my desk. Hopping on Facebook to see what's up. Texting a friend. Drinking wine at lunch. Two glasses. And being braless at my desk still in jammies. Oh yeah, I said it. :)

The list goes on and on in favor of pros vs. cons. The cons aren't something I ever really dwell on too much. Too many rewards.

This is indeed one of the greatest blessings I've ever known.

Only way to be free is to fly. And you can't fly without being pushed out of the nest with a fear of falling flat on your face. Even if you break a few bones in the process.. you mend. And then you get back up and you fly.