Tuesday, August 10, 2010

{Chrysalis & good coffee}

I've got really good coffee this morning and I feel a sort of rebirth. :) Cognitively of course. Super-charged. Now if I can only be Super Woman and get all of my work done today.

Uh, not gonna happen. Midnight after midnight, still not caught up! Sure am trying!

Tuesdays are average days. Not yet to the middle, no where near the end. Just there.

When you lose someone you love unexpectedly in life, that day always serves as a reminder to it. It sort of gets the dreaded, "Oh yeah, it's Tuesday." "That day". We don't forget place and time when horrible things in life happen to us. We just don't. Would be nice if we could in an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind sorta way, but again - if we erased all the bad memories, we'd have no good left either. No selective erasing in life, or erasing in general.

Jess died on a Tuesday. And.. I still think of her every day. But sometimes more on Tuesdays. I do make it a point when I write about her death to not be morbid, but to shed subtle light on a subject that affects and will affect all of us at one point. And b/c well, it's cathartic for me - sometimes I just need to.  I had never dealt w/ death this close to me until my sister died unexpectedly almost two years ago at 28 years of age from a car accident.

I keep a card on my desk that she gave me years ago & at the bottom it said, "I can't imagine what I'd ever do without you." I think about that. And how we don't and can't imagine. But sometimes we are forced to ... do without. Live without. The only certainty that life brings is uncertainty. But through this, faith, patience and experience are developed.

I read something today that really made me think about how love permits pain...

  • {"Who can estimate how much we owe to suffering and pain? But for them we should have little scope for many of the chief virtues of the Christian life. Where was faith, without trial to test it; or patience, with nothing to bear; or experience, without tribulation to develop it?" - Taken from Streams in the Desert, August 10th.

 Again we come back to the chrysalis. The transformation & shaping that change brings. We determine the effect it has on us - good or bad. All of these virtues can be developed if we allow them to.

So today is a good day, although it's Tuesday.
I have good coffee from my brother in Alaska, love you little bro. I have work on my plate that I enjoy & love. I have a family that is home with me today.

Happy Tuesday.